As I sit here in my computer chair, I am pondering what to even put into this blog. It has been since July that I have posted to this page, and yet words still seem to elude me. It is not because I can not formulate a thought, it is what thoughts do I want to put forth into this post with out it being a sense of rambles. In the end however, in that not what a "blog" is? An online forum of rambling from someone who wishes their thoughts/opinions/ideas heard?
I will just start with the short and simple to get my feet back under me in writing again, hopefully this will kick off the creative juices to have more literature endeavours down the road. We will see, I can not promise nor guarantee anything because like life things are always subject to change.
My last post was written on July 8th and it was in regards to a meeting I had with my boss as well as my manager at AT&T. About a week after that post was published I was released from my contract with AT&T, quoting my boss "Your services are no longer required by the company." Wow, if that isn't a kick to the dick. Now this would be the part of the post where I would begin the blame game. I could blame my "boss" for not being more attentive to my needs as an employee, but in actuality my needs did not matter since I was a contract employee therefore not directly responsible to AT&T. I could blame my manager, for getting a side promotion and acting like he had ascended to power over everyone and chose to bring down the hammer on me various times.. When in actuality I wrote all his spreadsheets and tracked them so he could look good in the eyes of the district manager, and of course take the credit but still dish out the backlash for not doing my, or I should be more precise, his job. I could blame my coworkers, for being inept in their ability to talk to customers and arrange site visits on their own, for not updating their Outlook calendars to reflect their personal schedules. Truth be told, half that office did not understand how to use a computer let alone a telephone/cellphone, I was surprised some of them retained the knowledge of tying shoelaces or being able to buckle a belt. I can associate the blame to whomever I want, but in actuality, the blame falls on one person, Me. The only person that truly caused this to happen was myself.
Looking back at the year and some odd months that I worked at AT&T, the only undeniable factor in everything was me. It was things that I could have done differently that would have meant the difference in being employed or in my current state of affairs, which is job hunting on a daily basis. There comes a point however, where after enough rejection, enough negativity, that it is ok to just walk away. Being told numerous times "maybe there will be an engineering position for you" or "if there is an engineering position for you", like a dog waiting for a treat that never comes I played along with the powers at be. When working in an office full of employees whom half do not care to be there because they have 30+ years on the job and could retire at any moments notice, and the others whom are looking to get out to the suburbs, where do I fall in line as a contractor trying to get a guaranteed full time position. At any given point during my work day, I was performing the job duties of a Project Manager, Engineer, Drafter, and Scheduling Planner, yet in the eyes of those in charge, I did not do enough, I did not perform well enough. This is where I need to grow as a future employee within my next company, where ever I may land on my feet. What is it that I could do better? How can I increase my performance without setting the standard to high, to set the bar at the right level so if I do fall short (cause in life we can not always hit the bar we will fall short, but we will also excel on numerous occasions too) I can hop right back on the horse? How can I perform my daily tasks so that it does not affect my work hours in a negative way? How can I be more proactive as compared to reactive? These are the questions I have to ask myself going into an interview for potential employment.
AT&T was a learning experience in every sense of the phrase. If I do not take these lessons learned and educate myself, then I have failed as an employee already. I know my abilities, I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I know everything can always be improved upon in some way shape or form. Truth be told, I miss the city, but I do not miss the stress it brought upon my life. AT&T was not the dream job I could have hoped for, it was just another notch on my job belt towards hammering down my true career path. I know in all of this, the Lord provides me with strength and courage to keep my head on straight, and to continue walking the path He has set before me. When the time is right, He will provide, but until then I'll keep sending up "knee-mails" as my mentor refers to them as, asking for guidance in my life and to help me walk this path which was beset upon my life. All in His time, not mine.
I think that is enough for now. Hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving with friends and family full of laughter and joy. Be safe, keep warm, and until next time. night everyone...
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