Doing the right thing..

I've been debating alot right now about what my next few posts in the blog are going to be about.  I have toyed with a couple ideas, bu this one comes from today. It post piggy backs off a post earlier I had made on facebook about doing the right thing.  I have been thinking about it all day, and taking into my thoughts the talks I've had over the last several months with my mentor as well as my mom what it means to do the "right thing".

Why do we do the right thing?
Because its the right thing to do.

     I'll go a little bit more in depth on that as to what it means to me to "do the right thing".  For me, doing the right thing means backing up my words with actions.  The reason I am not with her anymore is because I didn't do the right thing.  I didn't make the right decisions.  I was making promises and not sticking to my word, leaving always with "oh, we'll do it later" or :maybe next time", I failed to see that there would be no next time.  I needed to learn what the "right thing" to do was.  I understand now, what the right thing for me to do is.  Its something that I've always wanted to do, but could never really show or explain it until recently.  Going through what I'm going through, and the pain I have endured I realize how much I had hidden away from it all.  How I never truly dealt with loss in my life, I always found a way to circumvent that, aka drinking.  Looking back this is how I've handled the worst situations in my life, and now that I don't have the ability to numb away the pain for the first time I am truly having to face it.  When dad died, I was in the bar numbing away the pain, because I couldn't handle the loss of my father.  When I had asked Steph to marry me and she said "no", I went back to old demons again spending most of my paycheck in the bar.  When Emily ended things, it was right back to the bottle, for a short while.  Then I came to my senses, I can't be a drunk and be a father.  I had to "do the right thing" and force myself to quit drinking, to force myself out of those situations, in essence I had to force myself to change who I was and get on the path of who I am to become.  I forced myself to "do the right thing".

     Going back to what I had said earlier, I now know and understand what doing the "right thing" means, even if my actions are late but I know and understand better now than before that they are not meaningless.  Right now, its helping her find a job, to use the resources that I have and connections I have that I can reach out to others to help her find employment. I do this because its right, and I do this with out expecting anything in return.  I spend my weekends with Zeke, being the weekend warrior dad because that is the role that I am put into.  Do I want more time with Zeke? Do I want to see him and hold him everyday? More than anything in this world I do, but because of the situation and how things are that is just not in the cards currently.  Well not even currently, that is how they will be for the future as well.  I made a decision, it was the right decision, not to take her to court over my son because I believe that the ends will justify the means.  That something good and positive will come from all this right now, its been hell on wheels let me tell you but I'm sticking to my decision.  Two things have been said of me in regards to this, and the people who have said it say it defines the man that I am and the character I instill in others.

"When others are looking for an out, you're looking for an in. You want to be something more than you were, and its her own fault if she doesn't see that." -from a friend

"In today's society, people are so quick to goto war and get lawyers to fight one another. Or just write a check and be done with everything, to walk away 'clean'.  In the end fighting does nothing, writing a check does nothing. The path you have chosen, very few walk, and yes it will be difficult. But I am at your side, and God is at your side.  Choosing the higher path may not be the safest way, but through God, and through his word anything is possible.  You can get through this." - my mentor


     Doing the right thing means being the weekend warrior dad.  Doing the right thing means trying to help her find a job because of the resources I have available.  Doing the right thing means trying to spend equal amount of time with both Caleb and Zeke, to show that I can be a positive influence on their lives.  That I can be a mentor, and that even though she and I aren't together show them that adults can work things out. That given the circumstances parents can be mindful and respectful of one another.  I pray that Caleb and Zeke are wise beyond their years and understand how to do the right thing.  That when the time comes they will stand up for waht they believe in no matter the cost.  Because doing "the right thing" is in essence what we all should strive to do.



I'll be writing again soon all.. have a wonderful week and wekend.  Spend time with the ones you love, and be sure to tell them you love them.  GO in peace, serve the Lord, and thanks be to God.  G'nite everyone!!