It Goes to 11?!?!

     Last night I was able to make bible study after missing it last week due to starting my new job. (Yay on the new job!!!) My mind was blown Inception style. I was thinking of it all day today, and I just realized my life just hit a new level of awesomeness. I went past 10 and hit 11 and all because I was in fellowship with these amazing men. We started a 19 week course on the book “What God Wishes Christians Knew About Christianity” by Bill Gillham. I have been looking forward to starting this book since it was first brought up a few weeks ago, just because what the men in study have said it has done to their faith and their walk. Well, they weren't far off from the truth because last night just blew open doors in my mind and understanding that I never knew were there. At work today in the man-lift, I was just reflecting over everything that was said last night and I just started laughing because I came to a whole new understanding about things in my life, for the first time I truly feel free.

     The first point I will touch on is something one of the guys said in regards to faith. “Faith is the seed which is planted and then grows into the plant. The fruit that blossoms from this plant are the works.” This statement just really hit home. After ending the series on James, I really understood what this man said. I see it in my life to be honest. I see it in my interactions with friends, family, my coworkers, I really do see it. My faith is just a little sapling right now, waiting to grow into an amazing plant. Even though I am a sapling, I can see the fruit it already wants to bear. The new job serving others, my learning to follow through with the boys (this is going to be a lifelong process which I gladly accept), friends and the men from study just noticing the change in me. To quote Caleb, “everything is awesome!” It truly is! The journey to get to this point has been to Hell and back, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I would not be on this path if these events did not happen in the order that they did, and the awesome thing is I now just laugh about it all. God is so in control, but I had been resisting it, and now I just accept it and go “Lead me!!!” Tying this all together is this: I can do nothing. If I do it, I will fail. It is Christ who lives in me that will accomplish all things. Only Christ can accomplish these things in my life. That one took a while to understand and accept, but once I did, my mind was blown. Once you receive Christ into your heart, that never leaves. You can make choices that turn you away from God, or make you walk away, but sooner or later the Holy Spirit is going to tug at you so hard that you're going to come back. This is evident in my own life, I shied away from the church because of how angry I was at God because of Steph and because of Dad. Mom tried for years to get me to go to Banquet, and she could never get me to go. It took Gary Germann one time, and for me to just look at him and go, “Let's do this!” When Christ is in you, and you accept this, things change drastically. If I do anything, it would be for selfish purposes, for the wrong reasons. When I do things through Christ, asking Christ to guide my decisions, to guide my thoughts, to guide my actions, then I know I am doing it through Him and not me.

     Going off that thought, last night gave me a new understanding to Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.) We were talking about this verse, and how people use it in their prayers. They ask for that little bit extra strength, that little bit extra faith, to give us just that little bit extra so we can overcome a particular burden. It wasn't until the leader of the discussion said this, “You are already equipped with all the strength you need because Christ lives in you, why would you need more if He is alive in you?” Mind blown. That question completely changed my prayers, in fact it changed my entire outlook! I am already equipped with all the strength I will ever need because of Christ living in me, why would I need any more?! In fact, taking this point a little bit further, I came equipped with all the tools I will ever need. God saw to this when he formed me in my mother's womb, when I was on His mind before I was even formed he was preparing the tools I would need for my life. Like I said this changed my prayers entirely, instead of asking for more strength I reached up and asked, “God show me how to tap into the strength you have already given me. Show me and teach me how to equip these tools which you gave to me.” I really felt a difference lifting that up to Him. The question posed also changed my prayers for her as well. They went along the same lines of what I said for myself but they were directed for her, just to show her and teach her how to tap into the strength of Christ that lives inside her. That too felt powerful to say last night.

     Finally, the last point I will touch on from last night is this. For so long the enemy has been knocking me down, just giving me the one two punch every time I wanted to move forward. I was believing the lies that enemy was whispering in my ear. For so long I believed that I was abusive, that I was a manipulator, that I was passive aggressive, that I was hateful, that I was useless and not wanted and not loved. I believed these lies to be true for so long that I accepted them, they became my shackles of bondage. The apostle Paul wrote over sixty times that those who have Christ within them are Saints, and only once did he write that we are sinners. The man who willing went to prison, who was beaten and had his teeth kicked in, and was eventually stoned, said that during his most troubled times when reaching out to the different churches across the land. We are all saints who sometimes sin. This sat in my heart all last night, and during the day today. Then I had my own thought that I shared this afternoon with the man that got me to go to bible study way back in November, I said this to him, “Our choices will lead to either our ascension or permanent detention.” Meaning we can release our thoughts to Christ who lives in us (ascension) or we can let the enemy control those thoughts and keep us in the prison (permanent detention). Pairing the two together something inside me instantly changed. I am not the lies the enemy wants me to believe, I am who Christ says I am. I am righteous and I am justified. I am a saint who sometimes sins. It relies on my choice, believing in Christ, or the lies of the enemy. The choice there is simple, I believe in what Christ says I am and no longer believe the lies of the enemy. Just wrapping my head around this, I could feel the shackles just fracture and fall away from me. I had literally broken free from my bondage. The calluses that were ripped off, the labels that I believed, no longer existed and were replaced with a single word. Saint. Now don't get me wrong, I am and will make  mistakes, it is part of my double-minded nature. Accepting this new label, and understanding it more so than I ever have in the past, I can consciously make choices that are more in line with my belief of Christ living in me than living in the flesh. I can learn to tune into what Christ would have me do than follow the lies of the enemy. When I do slip, I can repent and ask for forgiveness from my Heavenly Father, and learn not to make the same mistake twice.

     Today has been just amazing. On top of all this, I was having a conversation with one of the laborers at the job site today. I said something along the lines of, “I just pray that nothing goes wrong and you guys stay safe.” He just looked at me with this smile like he understood that I pray for them every time we go on the roof, and just responded with “Thanks!” I could honestly feel within myself the tone of the day just improve drastically, it was an awesome feeling. I am looking forward to seeing what other Inception like moments that this book is going to bring, specifically from chapter 6, “That We Are Not Fighting an Inner Civil War.” I will write again in a couple weeks after we have covered this chapter. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. Have a good week everyone!!

     “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Acts 1:8