Love... (Part 1)[Edited 5/24/16]

     This is the last post of this blog. I am in the process of converting over to a new website. Almost 3 years, 39 posts, and some 2000+ views later, I am ready to move on from this area of my life and on to something new. I will post the new website once I am confident in the setup of it.  This is also the first part of my take on "Love..", there will be a second part which I will be posting in my new blog.

     This post will contain some truths of my life that I have witnessed. I have seen what true love is, and it is something that I am still searching for in my life. We as adults claim to know love, to understand it. We empower the word and at the same time we overuse it and diminish its value, the same applies to the word hate. I once heard a man say that love is the driving force behind all things. I believe this statement. Without love, we can do nothing.

     At 24, I witnessed the true definition of the word love. In October of 2008, I would lose my father to cancer. From his battle and eventual passing I would witness the single greatest act by any one person for another (outside of the Cross) and why I am searching for it in my own life. This memory is hard to write about, and even though it is during a moment of great sorrow this memory does bring me great joy because I was there. It is one of those moments in life that God lets you see, and not just with your own eyes. You see this moment through His eyes, as it was truly meant to be seen.

     I can remember being in the hospital room, watching as this disease known as cancer spread through my father like a wildfire. If there was a word more powerful than aggressive I would use it, but I have yet to find one to truly describe how fast this all occurred. I was there when the tremors in his body first started, how he became lethargic and slowly stopped responding to the doctors, to the nurses, and lastly to my voice. I remember him ordering food, and just looking at what was in front of him and forcing himself to use a spoon just to attempt to eat Jell-O. The tremors were so bad, he couldn't keep his hand steady enough to eat it and just how frustrated and more so than that hurt that he couldn't feed himself. There I was at 24, feeding my father just so he could have some sort of food in his system. There is a quote from Superman that always touches my heart, “The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son.” I remember this day vividly, because I could see the pain on my father's face, something I never saw, the man never showed emotion and to see it wrenched my heart. After helping him eat, he just looked out the window towards the VU football field watching the kids outside practice. After this event, his body started giving out. The next morning, we would get advice from an amazing nurse and have him placed in hospice. I remember the ambulance ride to hospice, having to tell the paramedics he needs to be seated up in the gurney to be able to breathe. Getting stopped by a train and hearing the EMT just shout, “ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!” We arrived at hospice, and had my father placed in his room. That night after everyone had left I stayed with dad. I was in school and at this point didn't care if I missed class or not, this was far more important than any note, test, quiz, or lecture I would have been apart of. As I stayed with him, he spoke for the first time since being in the ambulance. He just said, “I need to get up… I need to go”. He couldn't move on his own due to the tremors, so I pinged the nurse to come help. This little woman no taller than 5' 3” and weighing 120 if soaking wet was trying to hold up a man that had ballooned in weight due to water retention (from his kidneys failing). During this moment is when I would hear my dad say something that would impact my life forever, “I don't want to die...” My father was finally situated and calmed down. The night would eventually turn into morning, but my core had broken. That morning is when I would become a witness to His plans for us as people, to love someone and to be loved in return. The tremors in my dads body were bad. As he laid there, his body failing him, I watched as my mom crawled into bed with him. The tremors stopped immediately, and he held onto my moms hand. In that little moment, I saw time stop. I saw the power that love can have between two people. Two individuals that had been through hell together, through triumph together, that did life together, were right there before my eyes. A man that loved a woman, and a woman that loved a man with a love so powerful to make time stop, and to make pain disappear. The next morning, dad would pass but that moment in time, that gift I was given to bear witness to, will forever be etched into my memory. We as people have the capability to move mountains, we have the capability to heal any and all wounds, and we have the capability to stop time. In that moment, I saw all three things happen at once. That is the true power of love.

     We want to love and to be loved in return. Love is relentless and never ceases. Love is the very thing we all truly fight for. It is the very reason for our existence, it is the core of our being. In the end, love is worth everything. In case someone hasn't told you today: you are amazing, you are beautiful, and you are loved. Good night, and godspeed.

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4: 16-18

Hillsong United - Relentless

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13






P.S. The new blog is up and running.  I am still working on getting some kinks out in regards to setup and format.  I look forward to writing more and sharing my thoughts as time marches forward.  Good night and enjoy yourselves!!!