Misfits Who Became Kings...

     This post has been sitting on my heart for quite a while now. Things in my life have started shifting again. Even though there have been some positive steps forward, I still feel as if I am in the flames, being reforged in his image. That something is bringing back into the fire, telling me that I am not done with his shaping of my life. God is constantly at work in my life, both in front of the curtain and behind the scenes, I just have to trust in this path that has been tailored made for my life and follow where ever it may lead.

     I started Fight Club. In Fight Club we are starting to read a book called “When Misfits Become Kings: Unlock Your Future Through Intimacy With God”. The first chapter of the book had me hooked immediately. The chapter starts off with “Many are called, but few are chosen.” (Matt 24:14 MEV). The first few paragraphs talk about how this verse is constantly misunderstood. People use this verse to rationalize their role in the kingdom. Saying that the chosen are “the men and women out in front, the people we remember most” and the called are second rate, people not to be remembered but still have an effect. The actual translation from the Greek for this passage is “Many are called, but few choose to accept the call.” The chapter goes into more detail about being “called”. The story of John the Baptist is the first example. He was the son of a great preacher, but his “calling” would not be to preach in the temple but in the “wilderness”. Only after communing with God, did John accept his “calling”, however his choice branded him a “misfit” among his peers. However it was John's choice that did not make him a misfit, but made him a “king” instead. He accepted the higher calling, trusting completely in the Lord to guide his ways. The other example in this chapter was of David. The back story to David is interesting. His father Jesse wanted another child not with his wife Nitzevet (whom he had cast away) but with her maidservant. Seeing what the many years of separation had done to Nitzevet, the maidservant came up with a plan to switch places with Nitzevet so she could be with Jesse. Nitzevet conceived David. David became the black sheep of his family because of this. This “misfit” was placed in the fields as a shepard. There he would hone his skills of using a stone and sling to thwart off wolves from the flock. It wasn't until Saul called upon David, poured the anointed oil over his head would David become a “King”, becoming filled with the Spirit of the Lord.

     After reading the chapter, I began to ponder about the path that I have taken up to this point. A lot of the things I have done in my life have most certainly labeled me a “misfit” to my family. Tattoos, alcoholism, a child before marriage, just to name a few. However, there is a reason why I am here at this given point in time. The gifts and abilities God has granted me placed me here for a reason. There are no accidents when it comes to God's plan for our lives. God places us exactly where we need to be, we just may not see the entirety of the plan but through guidance from the Almighty that plan is revealed to us over the course of our lives. I'm starting to realize where it is that I fit into the grand scheme of things, but I know this is not permanent. God's plan for my life is on a grander scale, something I firmly believe. Everything that I am involved in is God's plan for my life, to reforge me into the man I was destined to become. Fight Club, Banquet, Bible Study, my counseling sessions, my mentor meetings, work, doctor's appointments, my time with Caleb and Zeke, everything is shaping me to glorify him in all that I do. Right now, my path is trusting in God to lead me where it is that I am to go. The biggest part of this is learning to follow through, that if I say something I am going to do it. The biggest impact to this is with the boys, and it impacts their mother as well. Months ago I wouldn't have understood this concept, being in isolation you forget what it is that you truly are meant for. Now I am slowly understanding how I fit in with all this. My role is that of a father. To encourage the boys in all that they do, to support them in all that they do, to guide them as best as I am physically able to, and to follow through on the plans we set up. A major part to this is just giving them my undivided attention. That when they are here on the weekend, they are my main focus. This is why I make a list every weekend for the upcoming weekend, be it playing games, watching movies, or creating projects, that list is there to show them I want to be involved. That I want the focus of the time I have to be solely for them. The other role I am slowly understanding is how to be supportive. This one is a lesson harshly learned, but this is how God wanted me to learn it so I adapt to his plan and accept all that lies ahead good or bad. With the boys it is to encourage them in all their activities such as building Legos, playing video games, creating simple projects, and more importantly to pray with them. Show them and teach them that they can trust in the Lord in all that they do. With her, it is helping out monetarily with support the best I am able to. It is letting her know that I am willing to give up my time and energy to help her out in whatever way I can, whatever way she is willing to let me. She may not want my time, but it is there if she needs it. And to pray for her, to lift her (and the boys as well) up to God every night giving thanks and praise for being apart of their lives. That might not mean much to some, but to me it means everything.

     Wrapped up in this package of learning to be supportive is understanding how to unconditionally love someone. It is still a hard concept to grasp, but the more time passes the more it is revealed to me of how to follow through on this idea. It is more than just “you just do it”. With everything that is circling both her and myself, regardless of the situation I am going to put her and the boys before myself, something that has taken me months to learn and it will take years to master. My time isn't just my time, it is also their time as well. Right now that means being the weekend warrior dad to the boys to give her, her brother, and her parents a break. It means making myself available to her if needed. Regardless of what happens between us, she will always have that agape form of love from me. Which means I hold no grudges, I hold no anger or hate, and that I have and will always forgive her. That our slate is and always will be clean. Friends and family alike have said that I am insane for thinking this way, for feeling this way. We put ourselves through the ringer, but I still have my belief that something good if not great and positive will come from all of this. I'm not saying that we will be together. She does not want me in her life in that way. What I am saying is that going forward, there is no reason for her not to have this from me. To live a life of Christian Action, I give her that unconditional love. I wrote about it years ago in a previous post, and it is something that I am still learning to this day. I was put in her life, the boys lives for a reason, and right now that reason is to be supportive and the weekend warrior father. To give them everything that I can, in whatever way I can, in whatever way she is willing to let me be part of her life and the boys as well. Above all this is to do it not for myself, but to glorify God in everything that I am able to give to her and the boys. I do know that things change, feelings change, people change, and that God makes the impossible possible. Only she can make the decision of how I am ultimately going to be in her life. Right now however, that is not my focus. My focus is being as supportive as much as I am capable of, and to be Dad. Everything else will happen, if it does happen, in his time and not mine. Until then I follow where I am led. I trust in his path for my life, and ask for the patience to understand his will for myself.

As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, He said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not be afraid, only believe.”

Mark 5:36 (MEV)

P.S.  Do not take this as I do not get much time with the boys.  I get an amazing amount of time with the boys.  It is a blessing every moment that I am able to spend with Caleb and Zeke.