"I want you to write who you are and where it is you are going.."
I am a father to two incredible young boys. I am a man that has recently rediscovered his faith having been in the shadow of darkness for so long. I am alone, but I am not lonely. I am hurting, but I am not in pain. I am a man who was lost, but is now found.
I am going on a journey that is tailored for me alone. God set forth this path in my life, me and none other. The journey ahead will be hard, if not near impossible but with God at my side I will overcome any and all obstacles in my way. Only through Him will I be able to accomplish anything in my life. My journey is that of trust, patience, endurance, and strength. God will guide me, and I will follow.
My mentor told me to write that in our last meeting. Everything I have done so far was to try and get back what I once had. I was doing it my way, the only way I have known how to do things. I know that this is wrong, and it will lead me back right to where I was when this all started. I find myself seeking out, reaching out, acting on my own behalf. The answers I am looking for aren't there because I haven't truly given it all onto Him. I find myself just spiraling down towards the beginning again even when I have made so much progress. The answer I seek however can only come from Him. For now, I am going to forgo the thought of dating/marriage. God knows I am not ready for that kind of commitment yet, and in His time things will become restored or I will start fresh with someone new but all in His time not mine. I am going to remove myself from all forms of social media. Social media is a horrible distraction in my life, and if there is to be healing or any sort of restoration I need to remove it so I can focus I am going to just focus on developing my relationship with the boys. Learning more to follow through with them, spending time whenever I can with them, and helping them along their own paths towards discipleship. I am going to focus on getting established in a career so that I can provide support for myself and Emily as well as the boys. Lastly, I am going to focus on embracing the Word, and putting my trust in Gods' hands. Only he can bring me what it truly is that I am seeking, I'll know it when it arrives but until then I plan on just focusing on His word and leading by example. I do hope for healing, and restoration but all in His time. God has prepared me for all of this, and everything I do now will be a test of faith. Through Him I will change my label. God strengthens me. God protects me, and above all God loves me. For now, that is all I need. Trust and Patience.
Normally I would end these posts with a note from Scripture, but this time I'm going to end it with the prayer I said last night, and have said in the past:
Dear Lord, I just want to thank you for today and the time I was able to spend with the boys. Lord I lift the boys up to you, I ask that you light a fire within themselves to discover a passion for your Word and its awesome power. Lord I lift up Emily, I just ask that you light a fire within her as you have within myself. Lord I ask that you show me how to love these boys, teach me how to love these boys. Lord I ask you show me how to love Emily, teach me how to love her. Lord I ask that you strengthen me because I am weak, love me because I am unwanted. Lord I ask you give me the courage to let go, or give me the endurance to hold on. Lord I ask that you bring healing. Lord I lift these things up to you, and just ask for your guidance so that I may come closer to you. I ask these things in Your name. Amen.
Are you looking for a New year's Resolution, or a New Life Revolution?
May it a good year everyone....
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